Opening Day

Very fun times in Lincoln, NE! My best friend from like 7th grade onward found a job here, and finally moved back from Chicago. So, yay! Best friend back, and that rules.

As a bonus he has Husker season tickets, and I get to go to games with him occasionally. Like yesterday, opening day. Huge crowds of people wearing red. I'm a pretty rabid Husker fan, not nearly as bad as some, but I do love my football.

It was also neat seeing two of my fellow Soldiers from my unit in Iraq on hand to open the doors when the team ran onto the field. I was sorely tempted to ring one's cell phone while he was standing there on the big screen, but I thought that might be a little cruel.

Great game, though. The team had some kinks to work out in the first quarter, but they were executing with precision by the end of the half. The second half was just an absolute domination. I'm hoping this will be a big year for the guys, they really deserve it.

So after the game I got home, put some lotion on the sunburn (why do I never remember sunscreen?) and relaxed for awhile. Eventually I noticed that I was hungry so I headed for my favorite neighborhood sports bar, Heidelberg's. Normally when I go out alone for dinner I just sit at the bar and watch whatever games are on, but the bar was full and the only table where I could see the TVs (they have like 30 of them) was a pretty large one down front.

Well, it was late I'm on my own so I just grabbed a seat at the far end of the table. I'd made my order (guinness and barbecued ribs) when a young man dressed like an abercrombie and fitch model paused at my table, "Hey, we're having a wedding party and I wonder if you'd mind moving to another table since this is the only one we'll all fit into."

I'm happy to oblige, and pretty easy going. No worries. I moved to the next table over sharing it with a bunch of other fans doing the same thing I am (drinking, eating, and regretting their lack of sunscreen foresight). I watched the 'wedding party' come in. It was obvious he wasn't making things up. It was an evenly gender balanced group, and the young woman I'm guessing was the bride had some flowers woven into her hair. All very nice, but I couldn't help notice that the rest of them were dressed like characters from a hollister, GAP, or A&F commercial.

I'm a pretty informal guy, no doubt. But even I don't think I'd go so far as to have my wedding reception at the sports bar. But at least they got to watch Kansas State lose, and a rookie pitcher for the Red Sox throw a no-hitter in his second major league start.

All in all I'd call the evening a success.

Now its on to housework!

MTFBWY (and me too)

Happenings and Goings On

Currently I'm watching the Cubs attempt to lose a game to the Brewers. It's 1-1 for the series, and my Cubbies really need to win this one. So...everyone get your rootin' hats on.

So things with the therapist didn't really go that well. I don't honestly know what I expected to hear, but hearing that there's essentially nothing wrong with me that time and a bit of determination won't cure wasn't it. Strangely enough my displeasure over this encounter has re-animated me.

In my kitchen I've always had a dry erase board that I mostly use for keeping notes, to-do lists, phone numbers and the like. The day after my therapy session I wiped it clean and got restarted.

The list of things to do is broken down one by one. The house is being thorougly cleaned one room at a time. Kitchen, living room, guest bathroom, office/guest bedroom, my bathroom, my bedroom. So far I've made it to guest bathroom, but my apartment is already looking alot more liveable. As long as whoever stays out of the 'unclean' areas then I think I'm OK.

I made another list. The therapist said I needed to reconnect with life, and to do so I'd have to establish some things I feel passionate about, and set some goals.

I've always been a fan of the action hero movie genre so I asked myself this question: "Conan, what is best in life?"

I came up with the following answers:

To feel your heart beat strong in a body fit enough to achieve greatness.

To imagine wondrous things, and communicate these imaginings to others.

To be at peace in one's castle. The responsibilities of life mastered, relaxation your only aim.

I also wrote the following in black marker at the very top:

Get up, you are a man. Not an oxygen/glucose conversion factory.

So far so good. I'm not wasting every day, and I try each day to do SOMETHING productive, no matter how small.

I did however lose my prized and pricey Oakley sunglasses somewhere. If anyone's seen them, drop me a note.

MTFBWY

WTF is the matter with me?

Sunday a buddy and I went for a long ride. As many twisties as we could find in SE Nebraska (not many) some speed, some sun, some cheeseburgers. It was a good time.

After about five hours of hard pushing and pulling on the Ducati I was very happy to park it. I pulled into my garage, hit the kill switch and parked it for the day.

Monday morning I had a dentist appointment. Moving around a little slowly. Sore and resigned to another week back at civilian work, I grabbed my helmet and headed back out to my garage. Key in, bike in neutral, mash the starter button and nothing. WTH? Shift down to first, and back into neutral and mash again. Nothing. Pull in clutch. Nada. What the hell?

Well, Ducatis have this strange key setting. If you turn the key all the way past steering lock you can turn on the tail light for some reason known only to Italians. I didn't think I'd done this, but I've already turned the key so that must be what happened. I drive my truck to the dentist.

Monday night I run by Menards and grab a trickle charger ($70). I get home and suffer my usual emotional zero once stepping in the door. Once the work shoes are off and I find myself on the couch I can hardly get up the energy to move. So, the bike sits wanting for attention.

Tuesday, work again, but some friends of mine have been on my case about my lethargy/slothfullness and tell me to take this online test about depression. I do. I win.

Oddly enough knowing that I'm not just some loser but might actually just be having some adjustment issues perks me up a bit. I write a blog entry. It gets a lot of positive comments from friends and family. I feel better about myself. Then I get home and *kabang* into the dumpster again. WTF is wrong with me? Why do I suck so much? I'm just a terrible miserable person who's taking up space and oxygen that most other people could probably use alot more effectively.

Wednesday, up and off to work. Caffeinated. Busy busy day at the office. Everything's crashing, everything's going wrong. I love it! I'm doing stuff, I'm fixing things, I'm having an impact and my work and intellect are making things better. Yay, I'm a winner.

I leave work kind of manic and decide tonight the bike gets fixed dammit. Out I go and disconnect the battery. Easy peasy. Hook the battery to the charger (after having to go buy tools, no metric sockets $150). Wow, it only took about thirty minutes to reach full charge. That's one hell of a charger!

I take the now charged battery back out to the bike and hook up. This requires a little more 'tongue out the side of the mouth' dexterity and some swear words but eventually the battery is mounted and I'm feeling good.

The key is in, lights look good. I mash the starter button. The EXACT same thing! WTF? I know I need to head in for the 750 mile break-in service, but they wouldn't cause the bike to fail to start due to late maintenance. I'm sitting there staring at the handlebars when I notice the kill switch on the right handlebar. Oh. The setting it's on has a little ghostbuster's line through it.

I mash the kill switch the other way and va-ROOM. One sweet sounding V-Twin waking up the neighbors (OK, it's like 7:30pm the neighbors are likely fine). So, now I feel idiotic again. $70 worth of battery charger, $150 in a socket set (well, if you're gonna get a socket, might as well buy a whole good quality set, right?) all because I forgot I'd shut the bike down with the kill switch instead of the key Sunday afternoon. And...I feel worthless again.

That therapist had better have something pretty damn good to say to me next week, 'cuz I do NOT like myself much right now.

Breaking the cycle

Everyone always asks me, either question one or shortly thereafter; "So, how are you adjusting." Generally I give the same reply. "Eh, it's some changes, but I'm doing OK."

And honestly I am. Mostly.

But there are things that are giving me problems. Once I get home from work I'm lazy as hell. Typically I'll settle onto the couch, turn on the TV, fire up my laptop and watch televsion and surf the internet until I'm too hungry to avoid dinner any longer. So I'll cook something. Usually something pretty easy. Pasta and ragu sauce, burgers on the Foreman, microwave a couple hot dogs. Whatever. Eventually it's after 10pm and I'm starting to get tired for some inexplicable reason. So it's off to bed I go. I'll read for an hour or so, watch more TV, then eventually turn off the lights and try to sleep until my alarm goes off. The next morning starts this cycle all over again.

My house is a mess full of dirty clothes, I manage to dishes often enough to keep the place from smelling but there's usually a day or twos worth in the sink all the time. My motorcycle battery is dead, I really enjoyed going out and buying a new battery charger that now sits on the floor in my entry way, decidedly NOT charging my battery.

So I'm being not just lazy, but really monumentally lazy. A mountain of chores and tasks sit awaiting my attention. And I avoid them, procrastinate, and sink into self-loathing.

I don't usually post like this, I don't like admitting that I need help with anything. I guess I probably just need a kick in the ass, but I seem incapable of giving it to myself. I'm a couch potato with a dirty house, a dirty truck, and a motorcycle that won't start. So how do I break out of this? Where do I get my kick in the ass?

Welcome

I've been keeping a blog on myspace for about a year and a half now. I'm going to try to import it over to here. How successful I'll be remains to be seen.

I'm a 38 year old National Guardsman. A citizen soldier, which is why I chose 'American Hoplite' as my name.

I'm a big aficionado of the classical period of history. I think I became interested in it back in 1996 when I read Steven Pressfield's excellent historical novel 'Gates of Fire'. If you haven't read this book yet, you really need to pick it up. It's an excellent and timeless insight into the minds and emotions of Soldiers.

I hope to put up entries of great import, or at least something interesting. Or at a minimum stuff that doesn't make me sound too moronic.

Thanks for reading thus far, and I'll see everyone in the cybersphere.

I just don't understand men/women/martians
Current mood: good
Category: Romance and Relationships

Probably the most cliche'd concept in American society is the battle of the sexes, and our lack of ability to understand one another. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Women must follow 'The Rules' men should live by 'The Code'.

Here's the thing my friends. There IS no understanding of men or women in a larger general sense. You can't pigeonhole every man or woman together as a gender and hold them all accountable for the same type of behavior.

Men are dogs, women are manipulative. Bullshit. Allowing yourself to believe such a thing is going to perpetuate a cycle of loneliness and misery that you really don't want to indulge in.

No one is special, no one person is entitled, but each person is unique and should be judged individually without all the baggage one has acquired from past dealings with their gender.

If you're consistently being treated poorly or improperly by members of the opposite sex then I submit that the opposite sex might not be the problem. Look to your own behavior. Might be something there.

Well, thanks for reading my rant. If you're gonna disagree let's go ahead and get a comment war started. I know I'm right and am prepared to defend my position.

MTFBWY

Vegas baby, the aftermath
Current mood: tired
Category: Life

Well, that was fast but alot of fun. Next time I think I'll try to stay for longer than two days. The craps tables at New York, New York were very generous, and I'm not really that good a player. Pretty conservative. But the thing with craps is you always go up at some point. I'd play for an hour or two, only risking about $200 and when I'd get up another hundred or so I'd say hey, I think I'm gonna go to the piano bar and grab a beer, or coyote ugly and watch the over rated bartenders be coy and attempt to be rude.

There was ALOT to see, and alot of being seen. I'm not Mr. Fashion, but I could tell I was out of place in my midwest cargo shorts, camp anaconda t-shirt, and new balance tennis shoes. So off to 'Fashion Show Mall' I went and thanks to some very nice sales girls at Macy's my craps table winnings went into some very nice brand name clothes. ($44 for a t-shirt?). But at least I know I looked good. I'm hoping women were staring because my arms and shoulders looked good in the tight t-shirt, not because I had something hanging from my nose.

I ate at the required NY NY eateries, Il Fornaio, Nine Fine Irishmen, and Starbucks. I wandered all OVER the strip. Unfortunately on my first night there my brain made a decision my feet couldn't back up. I walked about four miles up the strip from NY NY to Treasure Island in my flip flops. I've got blisters that would make a Ranger School student grimace.

After that I discovered 'The Deuce' which is a double decker bus going up and down the strip. Lots easier to sit on the second floor as the bus moves around and decide where you want to go next from there.

There will be another Vegas trip, and I will have more fun. But I think I slept maybe 4 hours the entire weekend, and one night of hard crashing at home has not yet helped me catch up.

So that's it in brief. Many little details I'm forgetting once more. I really need to take notes of all the odd little things that happen.

Oh yeah, I have a garage so the Ducati has a safe, dry place to sleep. And I promised the girls in the leasing office they could have a ride tomorrow.

Back to work on Wednesday, I'll let everyone know how that goes.

MTFBWY